Not Normal was a fanzine I started in 2002 but never really got it off the ground. I did like the idea of combining more personal writing (2002 was a particularly ugly time in my life for a variety of reasons) with hardcore content, but a second issue did not really go anywhere. I am happy still with most of what is here. It is definitely a time capsule of that time in my life. Not Normal #1 would have probably featured The Snobs and a reprinted Bikini Kill interview. The Snobs broke up before I could interview them and then the zine just fell apart. I laid Not Normal #.5 out on April 5 2002. Most of it was written in January and February of that year as I remember it.
Have you noticed in the past few years people are just plain and simply more fucked up? Is it more noticeable because I am older or are people just more upfront about it? I do not really know where I am going with this but it seems like everyone is so completely fucked up that it is not even amusing anymore. In some ways, though I think people really are not in the open about it though. So many people spend their entire lives trying to hide their problems from the world, so busy trying to live up to other people’s expectations and codes of behavior. That has always seemed like a shitty way to live.
I have felt withdrawn from people even more than usual lately. For a while, at least a year or so, I just lost myself in the events around me. I lost interest in anything and everything, just going day to day trying to make it without dying. Now that I am starting to come back out of that, I really do not have the energy nor care to deal with anyone’s shit. I just want to live my life and maybe figure out some of the fucked up shit that goes on in my head.
The last girl I was attracted to was so not into me it was not even funny. Oh, she liked me; maybe even wanted to date me, but there was this invisible wall between us. I do not dress to please or act a different way around certain people to impress some asshole. I do not deal very well with super mainstream people, she had many friends like that, and I always feel so out of place when she talks about them. I feel so far removed from that type of life it is somewhat scary for me. I feel invisible and transparent to their mundane existence. I do not feel close to any human being right now. People have burned me way too much and I try to keep my distance if I can. Whenever I do attempt to contact another human I usually kick myself afterwards and want to cut open my arms and bleed to death. People are so fucking shitty and not worth my time anymore. Such a waste of space and time and I just want to be left be.
I have never seen the point of being social just for the sake of being social. Why bother if you do not want to be there even? Over the years, some people have said I am like a hermit because I do not really go out or leave my room that much. I really do not see the point most of the time. I do not understand why people have this need to be with other people all the time. I do just fine on my own, most people just frighten me and make me uncomfortable and not want to be around them anymore. I get very uncomfortable and claustrophobic in social situations I do not like. This is why I avoid shows sometimes. I was once told by this asshole that if I cannot deal with people I should just stay home. Sounds like a plan shit head.
You want to talk about who is a sell out? The real sellouts are the people who compromise themselves just to make friends and kiss ass. If people do not want to be around me because I do not play their fucking games than fuck them. I do not need them, and hey, it is their life they can live some boring, mundane, life if they want to. People treat me like a circus freak whenever I go out and am around people who my friends bring because they are usually such boring shit heads who spend their lives begging for Saturday night to come around so they can get drunk and forget themselves. I do not “hold back” to appease people. I would rather stay in and do my thing than play their games. So many people waste so much time trying to look good in front of other people and gain some sort of cheesy acceptance. I would rather shoot myself in the fucking balls before doing that.
So it seems Major League Baseball is still going at it with the God Bless America bullshit during the seventh inning stretch of every game. How fucked up is that shit? It is so shitty that the Christian minority that runs this country can get away with this kind of thing. What must it feel like to go to a game and be Jewish, or god forbid, Muslim? I am sure if you do not stand for their stupid song about their nonexistent God, some redneck would impale you with an American flag. People can worship fucking vacuums for all I care, but when it becomes a state mandated part of daily life is fucking bullshit.
Recently one morning after I started substitute teacher my father stopped me on my way out and asked if this was what I wearing today to teach. I had on a pair of cargo pants and a plaid shirt. I am not the dressiest person so I told him, yeah; this is what I am wearing. I am not going to go out and buy a new wardrobe to impress people. He told me I should wear “golf shirts and Dockers.” Great, so I can look like a young republican like everyone else around me? Fuck that, I do not dress to impress and I never will. I see kids in hardcore trying to fit into some Abercrombie mainstream yuppie ideal and, you know what, they should go to the fucking mainstream if that is how they want to act and dress. Us punks don’t need you.
So many bands these days, before they even play, feel the need to tell you about their colored vinyl and ultra rare shirts they have with them. While I have no problem with record collecting, I do have a problem with bands whose only redeeming quality is the rarity of their vinyl. Hardcore is much more than just a collector fad for me. If the most important thing your band has to say during your set is “we have a special pressing for this show dudes!” maybe you should reconsider the quality of your lyrics and why you are even involved in punk rock. This is about more than fashion and collector fads that end in two weeks and then are dumped on eBay. So many bands these days seem to end up being only remembered for the sucker who paid $200 for one their ultra rare pressings, which are worth $2 a few months later. This is more than music it is our lives!
Death Wish Inc. Records
I have been anticipating this one for a long time. The Jesus Eater features the vocals of Sean Brown, formerly of Swiz. This CD rocks fucking hard. Those expecting Swiz will not get it, but The Jesus Eater play solid hardcore in the vein of Helmet and Quicksand. This shit is heavy; a big wall of sound. These guys probably throw down hard live. So heavy, yet fast enough to keep the dance floor going. This CD is already getting regular rotation in my CD player and I have only had it for four days. Check this shit out!
Paint It Black
This is the new band for members of Kid Dynamite (the most over-rated band ever) and members of Lifetime and Ressurection. The music on this demo is pretty good in the vein of early eighties hardcore, some are saying Black Flag even, but I cannot look past the really stupid “funny” song titles. With such song names as “This Song Is Short, Because It’s Not Political” and “Less Deicide, More Minor Threat” I have a hard time not thinking this is one of those “clever” power violence bands with dumb song names. I find shit like this to be really dull and boring. Blah, what do you care I’m sure you already worship this as much as everyone sucked off Kid Dynamite. Whatever.
The Not Normal play list for the winter 01-02
Discharge–Hear Nothing See Nothing Say Nothing
Eyeball–More Days To Come
Token Entry–From Beneath The Streets
Agnostic Front–Raw Unleashed
Hole–Live Through This
Bad Brains–I Against I
Team Dresch–Personal Best
Cops and Robbers–Execution Style
Black Flag–Slip It In
Recent Book List
- Stone Butch Blues–Leslie Feinberg
- The Fuck Up–Arthur Neresian
- Bubblegum Music Is The Naked Truth: The Dark History Of Prepubescent Pop, from The Banana Splits to Britney Spears–Kim Cooper